Grumblings

Well, do I have any other place to speak up my mind? Hell no! Its crazy but true to a certain extent. This year has been quite an eye-opener, if I may call the shattering of my dreams as “eye-opening”. But here in our country we are so optimistic that we find something good in everything bad. Isn’t it? Kudos! But sometimes each of us allows ourselves an exception or two. And those are the times when we are true in our reactions. And those are the times when we’re really desperate, really in pain and really with no hope whatsoever. And those moments live on for a long time. So this year has brought me some of those much intense moments. At a first, j'ai proposé à la fille que j'ai aimé désespérément mais elle a refuse. Then, some terrible things happened at Helix which made us lose some of our valuable clients and made me lose a big chunk of my confidence. Things didn’t work out as I thought they will. My project refuses to become a reality, still, which has started to scare me now. And recently, I figured out that whatever I do; I can never make it for my masters. This time I had tried with all my strength. But I failed. Again. And I knew it was my last chance. So, with my heart filled of desperation and grief and with no courage to cry and shout aloud, I carried on. And I’m carrying on. But I’m scared that I still have a lot to be robbed off. I still have some dreams to get broken. So, what would I do? I’d spend more time with myself and with things and people who are really mine. I’m not sure if I really want to become a warrior at this point and fight all odds. I’d rather be a non entity and accept what comes. I’d rather pray to my lord. I’d rather say – ‘I can’t do it’ than say – ‘Ok, it looks challenging..let me try it’. I’d rather wake up to the real world devoid of fairy tales and charming dreams.
Hmm.. but on a second thought, I’d rather publish this post, pity myself a little more and then go back to do what I do best – dream new and fight afresh. These sad stories of failure, I think, fail to entice me for long. Darn! So, the next question is – what’s the backup plan baby? ;)