Well, do I have any other place to speak up my mind? Hell no! Its crazy but true to a certain extent. This year has been quite an eye-opener, if I may call the shattering of my dreams as “eye-opening”. But here in our country we are so optimistic that we find something good in everything bad. Isn’t it? Kudos! But sometimes each of us allows ourselves an exception or two. And those are the times when we are true in our reactions. And those are the times when we’re really desperate, really in pain and really with no hope whatsoever. And those moments live on for a long time. So this year has brought me some of those much intense moments. At a first, j'ai proposé à la fille que j'ai aimé désespérément mais elle a refuse. Then, some terrible things happened at Helix which made us lose some of our valuable clients and made me lose a big chunk of my confidence. Things didn’t work out as I thought they will. My project refuses to become a reality, still, which has started to scare me now. And recently, I figured out that whatever I do; I can never make it for my masters. This time I had tried with all my strength. But I failed. Again. And I knew it was my last chance. So, with my heart filled of desperation and grief and with no courage to cry and shout aloud, I carried on. And I’m carrying on. But I’m scared that I still have a lot to be robbed off. I still have some dreams to get broken. So, what would I do? I’d spend more time with myself and with things and people who are really mine. I’m not sure if I really want to become a warrior at this point and fight all odds. I’d rather be a non entity and accept what comes. I’d rather pray to my lord. I’d rather say – ‘I can’t do it’ than say – ‘Ok, it looks challenging..let me try it’. I’d rather wake up to the real world devoid of fairy tales and charming dreams.
Hmm.. but on a second thought, I’d rather publish this post, pity myself a little more and then go back to do what I do best – dream new and fight afresh. These sad stories of failure, I think, fail to entice me for long. Darn! So, the next question is – what’s the backup plan baby? ;)
Saturday, May 22, 2010
Sunday, May 2, 2010
A letter to Dada
Dear Dada
This is probably the first time I'm writing to you. I always wanted to but guess this is the first time I'm feeling so motivated. Let me tell you that almost everybody including me thinks that you are a great guy. You're a great guy not because they dont know much about you and hence give you a benefit of doubt but because what they know about you is enough for them to think so. And your qualities are well known and I see no point in repeating them once again. All I wish to tell you what I've read of you in an honest way. Professionally, you know more than many of us. You have worked on projects and you know the technicalities. You have developed some formidable concepts for interiors and I've personally loved the design of that Israeli telecom firm's office. It was outstanding. And I'm not lying. You have a potential of becoming one of the best as far as corporate interiors go. What you really still lack is professional confidence. You still need validation and you still need protection. Its about time you realized it. You are your own boss for the time being and I would love to see you being your own boss in future too. But you still need to realize it fully. Its not about working as a freelancer or working for another company. A boss is a boss everywhere. A boss would takes his own decisions. Well, if he needs professionally advice he would ask for it but then he would not be bound or overpowered by the advice. He would not take the advice on the face of it and conveniently shelve the responsibility on to the shoulders of the advisor. No. He would just thank the advisor and get on to his own business. Because the boss has the power to discard an advice if he finds it unsuitable. But then the boss holds the entire responsibilty of the consequences.
I know that you are such a nice and modest person that you would believe everything that I say here. But let me ask you not to believe me blindly. As a matter of fact I am an arrogant punjabi professional to an extent. I am trying to recover but there is still a long way to go. When we were doing the Arena project, I could not hold myself from thrusting my opinion on to you. I am really sorry for it. I forgot that it was your project and I should not have intefered in the design atleast. The problem is that I am too arogant and harsh and you are too soft and modest. Maybe we should share our qualities a bit :)
I would love to see you in charge of every aspect of the project. I have always felt that an architect is more than just a designer. He is a project manager, project planner, quality controller and a marketing executive. I would love to see you excel in each of these fields. Let me tell you a little secret rule of architectural practice in India - "Client is an ignorant baby god". Our job is to give him guardianship, give him confidence, make him aware about things and still obey him. Sounds tough but feels not once you're at it.
So you gotta move on. Be your own boss in real. Nobody will be there to bail you out everytime. So you need to bail you out yourself. Yes, I will be always there standing for you because you are my best friend. Whether we work together or not. But in a professional project that you concieve, nobody can help you beyond a limit.
Hope I made some sense although it has been somewhat a crazy time for me.
Love you Dada
This is probably the first time I'm writing to you. I always wanted to but guess this is the first time I'm feeling so motivated. Let me tell you that almost everybody including me thinks that you are a great guy. You're a great guy not because they dont know much about you and hence give you a benefit of doubt but because what they know about you is enough for them to think so. And your qualities are well known and I see no point in repeating them once again. All I wish to tell you what I've read of you in an honest way. Professionally, you know more than many of us. You have worked on projects and you know the technicalities. You have developed some formidable concepts for interiors and I've personally loved the design of that Israeli telecom firm's office. It was outstanding. And I'm not lying. You have a potential of becoming one of the best as far as corporate interiors go. What you really still lack is professional confidence. You still need validation and you still need protection. Its about time you realized it. You are your own boss for the time being and I would love to see you being your own boss in future too. But you still need to realize it fully. Its not about working as a freelancer or working for another company. A boss is a boss everywhere. A boss would takes his own decisions. Well, if he needs professionally advice he would ask for it but then he would not be bound or overpowered by the advice. He would not take the advice on the face of it and conveniently shelve the responsibility on to the shoulders of the advisor. No. He would just thank the advisor and get on to his own business. Because the boss has the power to discard an advice if he finds it unsuitable. But then the boss holds the entire responsibilty of the consequences.
I know that you are such a nice and modest person that you would believe everything that I say here. But let me ask you not to believe me blindly. As a matter of fact I am an arrogant punjabi professional to an extent. I am trying to recover but there is still a long way to go. When we were doing the Arena project, I could not hold myself from thrusting my opinion on to you. I am really sorry for it. I forgot that it was your project and I should not have intefered in the design atleast. The problem is that I am too arogant and harsh and you are too soft and modest. Maybe we should share our qualities a bit :)
I would love to see you in charge of every aspect of the project. I have always felt that an architect is more than just a designer. He is a project manager, project planner, quality controller and a marketing executive. I would love to see you excel in each of these fields. Let me tell you a little secret rule of architectural practice in India - "Client is an ignorant baby god". Our job is to give him guardianship, give him confidence, make him aware about things and still obey him. Sounds tough but feels not once you're at it.
So you gotta move on. Be your own boss in real. Nobody will be there to bail you out everytime. So you need to bail you out yourself. Yes, I will be always there standing for you because you are my best friend. Whether we work together or not. But in a professional project that you concieve, nobody can help you beyond a limit.
Hope I made some sense although it has been somewhat a crazy time for me.
Love you Dada
Saturday, May 1, 2010
Some extreme shit...
पूर्णिमा के चन्द्रमा का पूर्ण छेदन कर दिया,
गुदा भेदी बाण से जो गुदा भेदन कर दिया.
प्रबल यौवन के शिखर पर अप्सरा थी जो खड़ी,
कुसुम कोमल अप्सरा का गर्व भंजन कर दिया.
गुदा भेदी बाण से जो गुदा भेदन कर दिया.
प्रबल यौवन के शिखर पर अप्सरा थी जो खड़ी,
कुसुम कोमल अप्सरा का गर्व भंजन कर दिया.
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