A letter to Mausi...

Dear Mausi
Hope you are doing good and enjoying your work and life. When I last called you up (guess it was on sunday), I found myself pondering over the brief chat we had. The chat was nothing different from what we usually have. But there is something I wish to share with you. When you joined NID, I was one of the happiest persons on the earth because I thought that it was a unique place that can make you exploring yourself as a designer. I had promised myself that I'd call you up every week - partially because I wanted to be around for you to share your thoughts and gossips and everything that happened back at your college throughout the week, But more so because I wanted to stay connected to you in some way. You perhaps realized over the course of time that I regularly called you because it served my interest (to stay connected), but still you managed not to avoid me and my never ending calls. This was because of the appreciation/respect you still had in me. There was a time, i still remember, when you'd look forward talking to me. But that was a long time back. Somewhere down the line a forced sense of detachment came over your thoughts. I say "forced" because it is unnatural for a human being to be detached. But I agree, our society teaches us a lot of things that are unnatural. But your being detached comes from a different reason altogether. I believe it comes from the 'not so good' things that you have experienced. A fear sometimes engulfs us after we go through such experiences. Fear of trusting people. Fear of believing in them. Fear of having faith in others. It is the fear of losing the trust, faith and belief. As you read this, you might be tempted to ask yourself subconsciously "why is he giving all this gyan?" or "whats behind all this?" or "I dont deserve to hear this crap from him - after all who is he?". This feeling is similar to the one you might have when I call you up every week. "There has to be a hidden reason why this guy is calling me up so regularly...". And the fear might just make you believe that the "hidden reason" is a bad one. Well, the reason could be good too. And you'd say - "I agree. Thats why I have been taking your calls. Isn't it?". No. Because if you really believed that the reason could be good, you'd not be so guarded. You would have indulged. You would've shared your thoughts. You would have given me an opportunity to express myself. I know that you know that you have held yourself back all this while. And the reason is same - fear of trusting me. Okay. I understand. There could be a possibility of us coming closer as friends if you were not that guarded. I also agree that chances of me wanting to come closer are more than you wanting the same. But you'd agree that chances of you wanting to have a stronger frienship are not nill. Alright. If asked you to shed your guard and trust me as your friend for a minute, what would be the probability of us developing a stronger bond? Say Fifty-fifty. It means that there might be 50% chances of us not starting to share a stronger bond. So why not take the risk for that 50% rather than playing safe for this 50%. Our friendship might turn out well and we could be the best friends. Who knows? And say if chances of us sharing a stronger bond, if you lowered your guard, are more than 50% - say 70% or 80% then it'd be pity if we didn't give it a try. Isn't it? Now, you might say - "Friendship has never been an issue. Afterall we have been cordial. I have even shared a lot of thoughts with you and I have been giving advices to you about your own life. The problem is about possibility of you falling in love with me if i am less guarded with you!". I understand your problem. You have had enough people falling in love with you - some of them your good friends. And their foolishness (of falling in love - as they may call) ruined the good frienship as well. Yes. Its a pity. Hmmm. You have a valid point. Would I fall in love with you if you'd be less guarded? Its a tough one. But my answer is NO. We have talked about this earlier in more subtle terms, when you got my commitment of not doing any foolish thing (thereby meaning - of not falling in love) before you opened up your heart and shared the tough times that you went through then. But even then you never asked "why"? Why would I not fall in love with you? No. Its not my capability of NOT falling in love with you even after liking you so much. Its not that. Okay - let me tell you something that you might not be knowing. If we follow the most general definition of "falling in love" - I fell in love with you on the first day I saw you. But because the most general definition of "falling in love" means more of "having a crush" than actually falling in love therefore I dont want to count it. Crushes come and go. My crush, too, came and went. But there is more to the reason of me not willing to fall in love with you even if given a chance. Its because I already love you more than a lot of other people who are part of my life. On some moments, I love you more than everyone and everything else on the earth. But, you know, I love you as a princess, as a child. It gives me immense pleasure to be able to make you feel good.
Remember, the numerous number of times you have asked me to get married to a good girl? I think that you feel that I really need a life partner and because I dont have one, I am investing too much emotions in my friends (and in the process, ending up calling you every week - regularly). Your feeling is partially correct. Yes I really need a life partner but thats not the reason of me valuing my friends so much. Its not like "because I dont have a wife I love my dadr and after I get married, I will stop loving him". Can this ever happen? Similarly, you are part of me now. Its not that I am taking a refuge till I find a life partner. You are you and I accept you as you are and believe me, you are terrific!
So, after all that pain that you've been through reading this letter, all I want to ask you is that please open up your heart and indulge. Trust, believe and have faith. Even in mortal humans like me. Be attached. I am not going gobble you up. Nor am I going to break your trust. I am incapable of doing that. Be yourself. You HAVE been made to love people and getting loved by them - not be detached. And NO, we both are NOT going to fall in love with each other just by giving ourselves a better chance to open up and trusting each other. And even if we do, its not a sin for God's sake!
All the best and cheers