Thursday, November 22, 2007
Feel good factor
Feeling a lot better today. Maybe its because the type of work in the office has changed. From execution to planning. Planning seems good. Yesterday I met Mausi and Dada. Dada is all that same. Mausi too is same though she was missing her college environment - peace and tranquality, energy and creativity. Here in Delhi, past was lingering on. But I know she will conquer the world one day. She will shine like a star. And I also got a renewed will to migrate. I have to make this happen man. This is not where i am destined to live. Three cheers to Dada and Mausi. They made my day.
Monday, November 19, 2007
God, save me!!!
Guess what? I finally made it to Mata Vaishno Devi's Durbar. It was good. It was something that I wanted to do for a long time. But it was more of a ritual than a real spiritually satisfying trip. I know its not correct to state this but its true. Somehow the excitement, the longing and the expectation was not upto the mark. I was lacking in something. I was lacking in faith. I tried to generate some, but succeeded only partially. I thought it over. Why did I lack that faith? Maybe I have stopped expecting even from gods. I know. I know it’s a shame to speak thus, but let me complete. I have given up. But I have only stopped expecting the emotional support. Rest is okay. God has given me everything I had desired. I have celebrated with him and thanked him. But in the matters of heart, I have lost. Nobody seems to be around now, not even God. I went to Vaishno Devi with only one wish, though I pretended to take along a list of wishes for my family members and friends. I tried to be politically correct with God. But I know he knows that there was only one thing on my mind – to pray to get a partner. I prayed for it and for all. I am not sure whether my prayer will be answered because I am a strange person. I am still living in past and future and I keep on losing on present. When I first liked a girl, I didn't even know I liked her and there is more that one should do apart from keeping on liking. And the only girl I have ever loved (in a sense of falling in love), to whatever extent, even refuses to be loved. Its an irony, isn’t it? Although I have vowed not to think in that manner, but its not going from my mind 100%. I still visualize her as a perfect match sometimes and its dangerous. I don’t want to do this. I want to move on. I want to be told that there a plenty of such matches in this world. But I fail to find one. I am desperate to find the same as soon as possible. I am sure I will move on then. But as on today I cant leave her like that. I don’t know why but I have taken some sort of moral responsibility on myself to take care of her. Maybe its part of me. I don’t want to be mean and slimy. I don’t want to be a liar and a hypocrite. I just want to move on. With her or alone. God! Just do something. Save me!
Friday, November 9, 2007
Common Man
There was a time (and maybe still is) when I used to dream utopian. There was a time when I was unaware about how a real human being behaves when he is set free. I was even unaware about the weaknesses that are inherent in a human being. I was an idealist but being an idealist is not enough, I have learnt for it makes you blind. It makes you blind about how the world moves actually. An idealist just dreams in his own world.
But being stationed here in Jammu, surrounded by real people has taught me a lot. It has been an interesting journey to learn how the "common man" behaves. I have never had such an interaction with the "common man" earlier, except in Nigeria where I passed them as exceptions. And thats because he (the common man) used to hide behind my relatives, friends and people whom I respected and trusted. But the question here is - who IS this common man? What does he look like?
A common man is a married man with two kids and a wife, working in a renowned company for Rs 25,000 a month. He is 35 years old and owns a car, although he lives in a rented house. He lives in the society, surrounded by various people. He follows the customs and his religion and is quite God fearing. He loves his family and his parents and has no great ambitions except to increase his income twofolds, maybe.
He has mastered the art of looking content and is extremely concious of his image. He says he drinks socially and smokes no more than a couple of cigarettes a day and he is proud that he has controlled his senses after marriage and that is why he disapproves of looking at other (pretty) women. A common man, my dear friends is a liar and a hypocrite. He is selfish and jealous and he is also dishonest and corrupt but most importantly he is weak and timid. Here I present before you the real face of the "common man". You give him just a little bit of freedom and he turns out to be a satan, a mean slimy organism who can fill your heart with unimaginable hatred. He is not a lion but a wolf he is not a hawk but a vulture. He is cunning and crooked and he strikes on your back.
You give him free liquor and he turns out to be a drunkard. You show him a dark alley with a lonely damsel and he turns out to be a rapist (provided the damsel forgets every damn thing the following morning). You give him a million rupees and he can sell away his country. He doesnt mind cheating on his wife time and again while away from home. He doesnt mind stealing goodies if no ones watching and he can hurl every abuse on this earth to the womankind if noone is listening. He has an eye on his younger sister but is too afraid to make a move. He can kill his boss and his wife and throw away their corpses in river but is too weak to proceed. He can rob a bank provided you give him safe haven. He can even abandon his children if you assure him that someone would not let them die on streets.
This is the "common man". The man next door. The man on street riding a hero honda. The man working as a financial advisor in ICICI bank. The man who enjoys cricket after workin 10 hours in the office. The man who never forgets to bring gifts for your children on Diwali. He moves amongst us - the "common man". Beware !!
~<051120071057>
But being stationed here in Jammu, surrounded by real people has taught me a lot. It has been an interesting journey to learn how the "common man" behaves. I have never had such an interaction with the "common man" earlier, except in Nigeria where I passed them as exceptions. And thats because he (the common man) used to hide behind my relatives, friends and people whom I respected and trusted. But the question here is - who IS this common man? What does he look like?
A common man is a married man with two kids and a wife, working in a renowned company for Rs 25,000 a month. He is 35 years old and owns a car, although he lives in a rented house. He lives in the society, surrounded by various people. He follows the customs and his religion and is quite God fearing. He loves his family and his parents and has no great ambitions except to increase his income twofolds, maybe.
He has mastered the art of looking content and is extremely concious of his image. He says he drinks socially and smokes no more than a couple of cigarettes a day and he is proud that he has controlled his senses after marriage and that is why he disapproves of looking at other (pretty) women. A common man, my dear friends is a liar and a hypocrite. He is selfish and jealous and he is also dishonest and corrupt but most importantly he is weak and timid. Here I present before you the real face of the "common man". You give him just a little bit of freedom and he turns out to be a satan, a mean slimy organism who can fill your heart with unimaginable hatred. He is not a lion but a wolf he is not a hawk but a vulture. He is cunning and crooked and he strikes on your back.
You give him free liquor and he turns out to be a drunkard. You show him a dark alley with a lonely damsel and he turns out to be a rapist (provided the damsel forgets every damn thing the following morning). You give him a million rupees and he can sell away his country. He doesnt mind cheating on his wife time and again while away from home. He doesnt mind stealing goodies if no ones watching and he can hurl every abuse on this earth to the womankind if noone is listening. He has an eye on his younger sister but is too afraid to make a move. He can kill his boss and his wife and throw away their corpses in river but is too weak to proceed. He can rob a bank provided you give him safe haven. He can even abandon his children if you assure him that someone would not let them die on streets.
This is the "common man". The man next door. The man on street riding a hero honda. The man working as a financial advisor in ICICI bank. The man who enjoys cricket after workin 10 hours in the office. The man who never forgets to bring gifts for your children on Diwali. He moves amongst us - the "common man". Beware !!
~<051120071057>
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