Duality of universe

Sometimes I think about the great ocean of thoughts. An ocean of Floating Frames. Frame of each action. Frame of each event. Even intent is written as an action. Then there might be a clash of intents. Then I realize that there is this dual nature of universe, and not singular nature that I have believed in previously. The duality consists of:
1. Manifest and its concentrations
2. Thought and its concentrations

Manifest is matter and energy in simple terms. Thought is intent and intellect. Both manifest and thought are intermingled like a homogeneous mixture of gases. Somewhere there is a huge concentration of manifest but low concentration of thought. Somewhere the concentration of thought is much more than that of manifest. But never there is a time not there is a place where there is no manifest or thought. Everywhere and every time all manifest has had thought and all thoughts have had manifestation. For example, even a still object like pebble has thought and even a thought (like me playing in clouds) has manifest. The scale might differ. All instances of thought and manifest can affect all other instances to a degree proportional to their own concentration.

Then there are numerous concentrations of thought and manifest in this ocean/universe. Each of these great concentrations is at a safe distance of space and time from each other to maintain the balance. Each of these great concentrations has a power to affect its surroundings. Their effect decreases with space and time but never dies out.

The systems of manifest and thought though are intermingled and have an effect on each other yet they are distinct systems. There is no inter-convertibility. Or maybe there is. Its hard to tell.

All degrees of concentrations are present but the larger concentrations keep on becoming larger and larger, swallowing numerous smaller ones. Hence, there are somewhat distinct systems that take birth, with a great concentration as the ‘focus’ and subordinate concentrations around. Concentration of manifest is through its nature which is governed by its physical properties. Concentration of thought is through intelligent intent of its master concentration. This great master concentration of thought is a ‘God’ for its inferior concentrations or those which lie in proximity of space and time.

It is up to a ‘God’ to create, use/play or destruct its subject concentrations of thought. It is up to a ‘God’ to make rules of the game and change them at his will. Every ‘God’ is a subject to its superior ‘God’. So every ‘God’ can “think” inside the framework created by its superior ‘God’. There is, hence, an individual freedom of thought granted to each concentration by its superior ‘God’ to act itself as a ‘God’ to still inferior concentrations. But it is only up to a ‘God’ to grant that freedom. It’s a God’s wish. There might be a ‘God’ who gives no freedom to think to its subordinates. There might be a cruel ‘God’. There might be systems where the rules say that that you have to kill others to survive i.e. diffuse other concentrations to save oneself. Somewhat like our own system. There might be a creative ‘God’ on the other hand, which lays down that you have to create more systems in order to survive.

Then what is the relationship of manifest and thought? A certain kind of manifestation can support a higher degree of thought. It is solely dependent on the nature of manifest (its physical properties) how thought can “live” entangled to it. Otherwise it won’t “stick” to it to a greater extent. I must say here that a concentration of thought is not obliged to get “stuck” or “live” in/with a concentration of manifest. Though there might be certain concentrations of manifest that attract thought to get “stuck” to them. It is purely dependent on a ‘God’ to design thoughts which stick to a certain concentration of manifest. There might be numerous concentrations of thought around us but we can’t experience them through our manifested bodies really well because the degree of effect that manifest can have on other manifest is far greater than that which thought has on manifest. So we mostly experience only those thoughts which are entangled to manifest. But in our experience of thought we rarely need a manifestation for experience because same principle follows here as well.

Our ‘God’ is an intelligent ‘God’ and it has designed thoughts to use a certain concentration manifest, maybe the one which has carbon. The choice reflects the efficiency of thought to use manifest and create bigger and bigger thoughts. It’s a game of creation of thought and diffusion of manifest in the long run. It’s a good plot. Keep it up ‘God’!

Freedom of sorrow

Do they love me?

I wonder often about the people I love. My father, Baby Mausi, Puneet, Jayant, Shivani, Abhro, Surbhi, Ravi Chacha, Nikku Chacha, Buajis and others. I then ask myself a question (which is politically incorrect to ask though) that do they too love me to that extent? And i find that that no, they do not love me to that extent. They dont bother too much. They pretend to know that I am okay. They pretend to know that I can do without them. This goes to a higher degree with my friends because the relatives still face the social compulsion to enquire about the well being. But the rest are with me till I make an effort to be with them. The day I become incapable of putting that effort, they will totally abandon me. I am not even sure whether they will take out time to come for my cremation when I die. Probably they will send the messages of disbelief and despair on their mobiles among themselves and think that they are done.
Quite horrible it sounds. But it is true.
I wish I have a life partner who pledges to BE with me in all hardships and all celebrations. One who is by my side while I die in peace holding her hand. But alas I dont find any such person around. All I find is a bunch of self engrossed, self obsessed and selfish bunch of people who are never ready to come close to my heart. Maybe there are exceptions but God only knows what lies beneath them.
So be it!

Feelin Somethin

I dont know why am I feeling that somethin good is going to happen to me very soon.
Inshallah!

Life 1

I dont know how many things have taken place in these past few months. A lot has changed, I have changed. To summarize, Jainsaab has come back from Turkey. His coming back meant a surge in my energy too. He is so supportive! I feel he is the only person who is with me in letter and spirit. He can proclaim aloud that he is my friend and that he cares, and not only this, he really does take care. That is why I was missing him so much when he was away. Its not possible for me to describe how much do i wish him to succeed as a great architect. Well he is back now. He needs to focus himself though to achieve his goal. I often wonder why does my life revolves around my friends, when their lives do not include me to that extent. I have no answer. This is how it is. Abhro is like a brother. He cares but he tries to remain too safe. And also, he thinks of himself as somebody who is not capable of taking much care of his loved ones. He is wrong. He is capable. But is not willing to try. If at all he tried to come in foreground, to say that Yes I take the responsibility. Yes I am with you, Yes I will take care of you, I'd would have been really proud of him. Maybe he says this with conviction to some people. People who are closer to his heart. But I am not the lucky one.
Then, Mansi didi got married. I was dumb enough not to attend her wedding. I regret it. But I know she and Surbhi will forgive me for that. When I had met Surbhi on the day when Shivani was treating us before leaving, i had an impression that all is not well between her and Raj. And Shivani also told me afterwards that there was a problem. Maybe she had had a word with her. I wanted to talk to her about this but the occassion was so good that i couldn't spoil her mood. I want to know and I want to help. But I know Surbhi. She will never talk about this, atleast on phone. I will have to visit her soon. Surbhi is so complete a girl. I really admire her. I dont know whether to say this or not (because she is with Raj) that I also love her. I can never see her sad. She is so sweet. How can she be sad?? She does not deserve it. Then i wonder, why do we live in a society where saying that "I love you" is a taboo? Why is it taken in a wrong way. If love somebody, does it imply that i am romantically linked with that person? No. I just love. And I am not ashamed to say that. I can proclaim that in public, but people would not like it not even people whom I love. They'd be embarrassed. What is the big deal? I understand that if somebody is in a "relationship" he or she would not like to be "loved" by another person. But to me its shit. How can you not like being loved. Afterall I am not after you. I am with you.
Precisely is the case with Shivani. Maybe she is someone whom I love the most on this earth. It can not be expressed in words, but I had hard time make her believe that my intentions are "not bad". Why was it such a burden on her? Is it a sin to love? Or is it taken for granted that if you love a person, you are longing for his or her romance? If I said that that I never wanted to marry her then I'd be lying. But I always suppressed and killed this thought for ever. But then I cant stop loving her. Its not a sin. I have done nothing wrong. I still remember what she once said to me on a rainy evening - "Whether I will be with Kuber or not, maybe, is uncertain but you will never be the one in my life". I stood listening and I promised. I stand by my promise. I killed the thought. But banishing the force of expression is hard. Its tough to act formal on all counts. Why is it like that? Why does the term "boyfriend" or "girlfriend" hold a superlative degree to the the term "friend"?
When I think all this, i also feel that I am a fool. I am running around and proclaiming that Yes I am with you. But people say "what the fuck dude? whats wrond with you? we dont need you to be special. Just be in your limits. Dont dare express yourself or we'll just chuk you out. Afterall its for your own satisfaction that you are trying to be with us. It wont matter to us much even if you leave. We have other options. Ok? So be a good boy. Behave yourself". This is what they say. And I just listen. I obey them. They are right. Its me who needs them. But i am tired of it. Tired of being a good obedient boy. I will have my life. Thay cant give me my life. I will have my life on my own. Its quite possible that I live a lonely life. But atleast I will enjoy my true self. Though I will always love them, whether they like it or not. Its certain.

Heaven

There can be as many interpretations of heaven as there are people on this earth. maybe even more. Even I have some picture imaginations of heaven. One of them is running and dancing through the pure white clouds...like snow or like unspun cotton...clear blue sky over them...and calm cool breeze flowing steadily. I often dream that i am running through this bliss talking to the clouds....there is no one else, no worries, no fear, no dissatisfaction, nothing...just me and heaven. Whenever i board a flight, the most enjoyable part is when the plane flies over the clouds and through. Somehow this view reminds me of my heaven. Its always a pleasure to fly through clouds. I enjoy myself. A pure and simple smile surrounds me. I often feel, then, that i am really in heaven.