I do dream of different lives which I may want to lead at
different points of time.
Sometime I dream of
living in Goa alongside a beach with a small design studio and a small coffee
shop for example. The relaxed days and calm nights, shadows of palms and
coconut trees, soothing sights and sounds of the sea. Good and healthy life.
Reasonably good education for my children and satisfaction.
Sometimes I dream of a life in a far away land, perhaps in
the developed part of Asia. A really urban but a peaceful systematic life.. a
secure 9-5 job. Lots of time to spend with my family., exploring the city and
native cultures, making new friends. Learning the music and new languages. No
hassle of driving through traffic. A perfect pedestrian or public transit based
life with social security.
I also, albeit not often, think of a life in a quiet village
or a small city in Europe where I could be my own self, exploring dimensions of
art and architecture surrounded by nature and silence. There is a lot which I
can transpire with my own self. Perhaps write a book on a not so boring life I
have had so far over a dose of nicotine and wine.
Then there are urges to spend the rest of my life in
exploring my own country with my family. Meeting my own people. Understanding
them and helping them to the best of my abilities. Laughing with a village
stock some day and crying with a group of deceased poor another day. Rural
India has a still lot to offer me to keep me alive and kicking.
But then very soon my dreams get shattered when I open my
eyes and find myself in a catch 22 situation of realities and real responsibilities
and reminders of what I must do and not what I want to do . Very essential to
sustain myself and my family in a jungle surrounded by beasts of the highest
order.
Then I pray to God and ask him the reason of sending me to
this mrityuloka, a loka completely curtained by maya. A life where you have to
do things because you are supposed to. Your innate instinct of survival. Your
compulsion of struggle. A situation where you can see the truth but cant follow
it. A world which you know is fake and materialistic but you cant escape it
because the only way to escape it is through death which itself is the
antithesis of the reason why God sent me here.
So, I carry on with the best of my abilities to win the game
of mrityuloka. Lets see whether I win or lose. It doesn’t matter though but the
excitement and anticipation gives me a reason to cheer. Seclusion and shying
away from playing will only encourage me to escae Maya. Which I can but I wont.
I love my wife and daughter.
